Couples and Money

“I want to get on the same financial page with my partner but I am not sure how". Three ways to get your partner motivated about financial health.

couples and money financial health Jan 26, 2021

It’s time to acknowledge the literature and research about money and relationships. Scream it from the top of your lungs: “Money will impact my relationship!” On one side of the spectrum, money can cause stress, uncertainty, or fights which can impact the quality of your relationship. On the other side, money can be a tool for wealth, opportunity, and joy in  your relationship. In its simplest form, making, saving, spending, and investing money should be an important part of your relationship. It is something that deserves nurturing, molding, and shaping.

Acknowledging where you are at in yourself, your partner and/or your relationship is a good starting point. Some questions to ask yourself. What do I feel when I talk about money? Is it easy or difficult? Note your thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. Do my partner and I have a system in place to review our money and talk about our money? Have we talked about how we want to spend our money? If not, why not? What barriers do I see stopping us from being on the same page about money? 



Now that you have spent a few moments reflecting where you and/or your partner are at, you are likely reading this because you want to figure out the magical way to get your partner thinking the same way you do! Understanding and accepting that someone doesn’t see things the same way you do is your first step. And that is ok. Now it is time to get curious about their thoughts, feelings, and point of view. This may require you to step in to their shoes or be creative so as to increase your partner’s interest or willingness to engage in money or financial health in general. Three ways to increase your partner's interest include:

  1. Communication: Be open about YOUR interest in money/financial health and why.  Keep it simple and relatable. What gets you excited? What motivates you? The important thing is to connect it to your emotions. Try not to start with showing them budgets or investing.  Use I statements when speaking about what is important to you. For example, “I have been really motivated by learning about how others manage their money. It has inspired me to look at my own relationship with money and I plan to learn more about it. I would love to share my learnings with you”. 
  2. Educate: Find something that you both enjoy doing together that can incorporate learning about the emotional side of money including listening to a book, podcast, or video together. Some examples include how couples achieved paying off debt, reached a financial goal or achieved a certain experience like travel or financial independence.  
  3. Start a Project: Choose one small fun thing or goal that you can both agree on that you want to work towards: clearing a small debt, creating an emergency fund, or planning a fun experience. Meet monthly to review your progress. Make a time to meet where you are not hungry, stressed, or tired.

If you want more tips and resources about financial health and couples, sign-up for my newsletter. If you want to learn more how to navigate and communicate about money, consider signing up for my financially healthy couples course waitlist. 

Questions: email [email protected]

Mariah Hudler, MSW, MBA is a financial health consultant, coach, and speaker. She works with couples and entrepreneurs on making their money work for them. 

Disclaimer: This blog is for education only. Please consult with a qualified professional when you have any questions about your personal financial, tax, or legal situation. Information contained in this post is for informational purposes only and not intended to replace professional advice.

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